I don’t want to be just a shadow

   Hello, fellow readers. I know this is unusual for a fashion blog, but I decided I would write a bit… It’s late at night. A musty cigarette is struggling between life and death in the already too full ashtray, while my eyes fly out the window. I throw an eloquent glance and for a second I have a metaphorical fight with the curtain – which has such a cafe-au-lait color I can barely hold myself from drinking it. I want to see through it. Yet I realize I can’t. It’s dark. 

   I get up on my feet. One glance at my screen, and then I turn my head, feeling my wet hair whipping my cheek with an unexpected force. I step slowly on the soft carpet in my hotel room and I move to the window, pushing away the curtain. Probably we’re still arguing because she didn’t let me see through her. I push my nose into the window. It’s cold as ice, yet in a few seconds I can barely feel the coldness. 

   My eyes go down. My room is at the 5th floor and I have a rather amazing view of the town. Yet in this obscurity, I can’t see anything. I find myself trapped in my own soul, captive in my own thoughts, vain in my conceptions yet neat in my perceptions. I can see something which looks like an orange street light. A car, lonely as the wind, staying at a spotlight late in the night, whose driver is probably blinded by this ever-powerful darkness. The spotlight becomes green and the car runs away. The street is now empty. A vitrine has the lights left open. Inside, a mannequin shows off the same restless, yet empty pose, which once was probably glamorous.

   I close my eyes. I let myself fall of this mountain, guided by the force of wind and the scents of my own feeling, creating a symphony inside my nostrils. Colorful, bright scarves start driving my body into a state of vibrant, frenetic euphoria.  Odd… some may call it chaos. But my perceptions are too far away to call it anything right now. I feel the air, beating my body while I fall into this ocean of thoughtful desperation. I feel the diabolical pain invading my veins, but then I open my eyes… A fragile, blurry line of surface, underneath which I am right now. Underwater. Inside my soul, drowning. And yet all of us call it home, all of us call it beautiful… all of us call it safe.

   I open my eyes.   Never.

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